ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We left an ass print on the piano.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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