Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
