I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize