u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
