her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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