You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
