Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sex in a hospital.. check
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
