Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize