"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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