Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
