I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
one might say we're banned from that church
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
