He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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