I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
