you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
