If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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