I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she smelled like a LAN party
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
