Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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