1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
