Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
