college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
