walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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