i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
