how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The air was thick with penises
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
