FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
