I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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