just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
