Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize