dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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