Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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