Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Life is so much better after having sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
