In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
