every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
