you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
