Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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