some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
