hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
