Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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