she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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