Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
