Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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