i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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