yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
