NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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