Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
