I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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