then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
