no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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