Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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