I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize