I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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