respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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