I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
