I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
