Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
