Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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