i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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