oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
