I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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