i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
